Has it really been six weeks. Some days it feels like yesterday we were spending our days at the icu. Some days it feels like forever ago. The crazy thing is that I feel as though a large chunk of our year is just, well... gone. There have been so many conversations lately that start with, "at the hospital", or "when Mom was sick", or even "before the aneurysm". I am discovering that Mom's three months of fighting have really begun to define who I am now, what I have learned, and where I am turning my focus to.
What have the past 6 weeks looked like?
1. Saying goodbye to my closest girlfriend...my mother.
2. Multiple trips to Kernersville.
3. Tears at the simplest of memories.
4. Great conversations with Chuck....and lots of tears.
5. Pictures turning up from the night before the aneurysm.
6. Dancing around in Mom's wig after it was discovered tucked away in a drawer.
7. Realization of life going on.
8. Miles crawling, stepping, getting teeth, knowing Mom would have loved each event!
9. Enjoying more conversations with Mommom over the phone...and in person:)
10. A new closeness with my brothers.
11. Listening to stories from others about Mom
12. watching flowers sent to us slowly turn brown as days "go on"
13. a lot of alone time
14. finally feeling ok to see friends again
15. learning how to gracefully say thank you when people say "sorry for your loss"
16. knowing and remembering to never take moments for granted.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
Information on Services
Thank you to everyone for caring for the family here in the past few days. We've deeply appreciated everyone's love and affection.
Some have asked for details concerning the services on Saturday. Here's the scoop:
At 2:00 on Saturday, May 30 the funeral will be held at the Pierce-Jefferson Funeral Home in Kernersville, NC. Directions to the funeral home can be found here. Their phone number is 336-993-2121 if you have any additional questions.
In place of a viewing/wake/visitation, the family has decided to do something a little different. Immediately following the funeral, everyone is invited to Chuck and Lynne's home to celebrate her life together, as well as what would have been their 25th wedding anniversary. There will be a big tent with food and music, all set in their beautiful backyard which they worked on together. If you're coming to the funeral, please know that you are welcome and wanted here as well. Directions from the funeral home to the family's house can be found here.
Again, thank you for coming alongside us during this tough time. In the midst of everything we feel, I can say we have not felt alone. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Some have asked for details concerning the services on Saturday. Here's the scoop:
At 2:00 on Saturday, May 30 the funeral will be held at the Pierce-Jefferson Funeral Home in Kernersville, NC. Directions to the funeral home can be found here. Their phone number is 336-993-2121 if you have any additional questions.
In place of a viewing/wake/visitation, the family has decided to do something a little different. Immediately following the funeral, everyone is invited to Chuck and Lynne's home to celebrate her life together, as well as what would have been their 25th wedding anniversary. There will be a big tent with food and music, all set in their beautiful backyard which they worked on together. If you're coming to the funeral, please know that you are welcome and wanted here as well. Directions from the funeral home to the family's house can be found here.
Again, thank you for coming alongside us during this tough time. In the midst of everything we feel, I can say we have not felt alone. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Mom's Obituary
Mari Lynne Shaw Rendleman
KERNERSVILLE — Mari Lynne Shaw Rendleman, 57, went home to be with her Lord on Wednesday, May 27, 2009, following several months of critical illness.
Services celebrating her life will be held at 2 p.m. on Saturday, May 30, at Pierce-Jefferson Funeral Home Chapel with Dr. Rob Decker.
A native of Orange County, Florida, she was the daughter of the late Clyde Thomas Shaw, Sr. and Anne Leonora Babb Shaw, who survives. She was a member of Triad Baptist Church. A breast cancer survivor herself, she was an active supporter of .
In addition to her mother, Anne Shaw, she is survived by her loving husband of almost 25 years, Edward C. "Chuck" Rendleman, of the home; daughter, Leigh Bucklad and Brad of Statesville; sons, Joe Benton of California, Andy Benton of Orlando, Fla., and John Rendleman of Kernersville; grandchildren, Nick and Chloe Benton and Miles Bucklad; sisters, Beth Russell and Tim, and Amy Luce and Andy, all of Georgia; brother, Tom Shaw, Jr. and Doris of Winchester, Virginia.
The family will visit with friends following the service at the funeral home on Saturday.
Memorial contributions are asked to be sent to , c/o Gift Management Services, 5005 LBJ Freeway, Suite 250, Dallas, TX 75244.
Online condolences may be sent to the Rendleman/Shaw family at www.Pierce-JeffersonFuneralService.com
KERNERSVILLE — Mari Lynne Shaw Rendleman, 57, went home to be with her Lord on Wednesday, May 27, 2009, following several months of critical illness.
Services celebrating her life will be held at 2 p.m. on Saturday, May 30, at Pierce-Jefferson Funeral Home Chapel with Dr. Rob Decker.
A native of Orange County, Florida, she was the daughter of the late Clyde Thomas Shaw, Sr. and Anne Leonora Babb Shaw, who survives. She was a member of Triad Baptist Church. A breast cancer survivor herself, she was an active supporter of .
In addition to her mother, Anne Shaw, she is survived by her loving husband of almost 25 years, Edward C. "Chuck" Rendleman, of the home; daughter, Leigh Bucklad and Brad of Statesville; sons, Joe Benton of California, Andy Benton of Orlando, Fla., and John Rendleman of Kernersville; grandchildren, Nick and Chloe Benton and Miles Bucklad; sisters, Beth Russell and Tim, and Amy Luce and Andy, all of Georgia; brother, Tom Shaw, Jr. and Doris of Winchester, Virginia.
The family will visit with friends following the service at the funeral home on Saturday.
Memorial contributions are asked to be sent to , c/o Gift Management Services, 5005 LBJ Freeway, Suite 250, Dallas, TX 75244.
Online condolences may be sent to the Rendleman/Shaw family at www.Pierce-JeffersonFuneralService.com
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
After a Long Night
It's 6:44 AM, and we just finished spending the night in the hospital. Right now Lynne is still hanging on.
Leigh came in to visit last night, and about 20 minutes after returning home Chuck called to let us know he was heading back to the hospital. Apparently Lynne went downhill in a very quickly after they left, developing a high fever with her breathing becoming more labored. The nurses told Chuck he may want to be here tonight, and John, Leigh and I decided to be there as well.
Lynne is still hanging on this morning. Her fever is up, blood pressure is low, breathing very sporatic. It could be any time.
This floor is the most heartbreaking place I've ever been. At 2 AM there are patients all over the place dying of something. You can hear them coughing while they watch TV, just waiting. I don't know how long they have. I don't know how long Lynne has. It would seem like this is all going to be over soon; we didn't think she would last through the night. But she's hanging on. For the first time it's hard to think about leaving the room without thinking it's the last time you'll see her alive.
There isn't much else to say. Soon I'll head home, most likely leaving Leigh here to wait some more. Please pray for Lynne, that God would deliver her from this, and that He would deliver us as well.
Leigh came in to visit last night, and about 20 minutes after returning home Chuck called to let us know he was heading back to the hospital. Apparently Lynne went downhill in a very quickly after they left, developing a high fever with her breathing becoming more labored. The nurses told Chuck he may want to be here tonight, and John, Leigh and I decided to be there as well.
Lynne is still hanging on this morning. Her fever is up, blood pressure is low, breathing very sporatic. It could be any time.
This floor is the most heartbreaking place I've ever been. At 2 AM there are patients all over the place dying of something. You can hear them coughing while they watch TV, just waiting. I don't know how long they have. I don't know how long Lynne has. It would seem like this is all going to be over soon; we didn't think she would last through the night. But she's hanging on. For the first time it's hard to think about leaving the room without thinking it's the last time you'll see her alive.
There isn't much else to say. Soon I'll head home, most likely leaving Leigh here to wait some more. Please pray for Lynne, that God would deliver her from this, and that He would deliver us as well.
Monday, May 25, 2009
the next two weeks
In the next two weeks, a lot is going to change. Summertime is going to officially take hold on its season. People will begin vacations. BBQ and swimming parties will happen all around us. Mom and Chuck will celebrate 25 years of marriage...and Mom will lay down to rest with Jesus.
I feel a lot of things these days. I still cry all the time, and my mind is never at rest. I am overwhelmed with the amount of memories that flood back to me every day. I think about Mom when I add cream to my coffee (or in Mom's case add coffee to her cream), when I choose clothes for Miles to wear (so many pieces of his wardrobe are "things I just picked up, a little treat from Nana"), when I water my plants (she loved to buy almost dead plants and bring them back to life...such a green thumb) and I think about her every time it is quiet and I am still. It hurts so much. I am grieving every moment.
I want life to stop. Why is everyone working? Why do I have to grocery shop, clean the house, do laundry? Why do we "keep living" life? It seems so wrong.
However, in the midst of this, a prayer has been on my mind.
Brad and I began a journal for Miles during our pregnancy and in it, I wrote this prayer for Miles. It is not mine but one given to Henri Nouwen by his mentor.
May all your expectations be frustrated.
May all your plans be thwarted.
May all your desires be withered into nothingness.
That you may experience the powerlessness and the poverty of a child and sing and dance in the love of God the Father, the Son and the Spirit.
It seems harsh, I know. I don't want hard and terrible things for Miles. But as a mother, I so desire for him to sing and dance in the love of God the Father. And, I am learning that only through our experiences do we learn hurt and the redemption that comes from it. In all of this great hurt, I know I am being shaped...being made more like Christ. I am being sanctified each and every day. It is painful and I can't say that I even want it. But here I am. My expectations are frustrated. My plans are thwarted. My desires are withered into nothingness. I am experiencing powerlessness and poverty. I want to sing and dance in the love of God the Father.
I feel a lot of things these days. I still cry all the time, and my mind is never at rest. I am overwhelmed with the amount of memories that flood back to me every day. I think about Mom when I add cream to my coffee (or in Mom's case add coffee to her cream), when I choose clothes for Miles to wear (so many pieces of his wardrobe are "things I just picked up, a little treat from Nana"), when I water my plants (she loved to buy almost dead plants and bring them back to life...such a green thumb) and I think about her every time it is quiet and I am still. It hurts so much. I am grieving every moment.
I want life to stop. Why is everyone working? Why do I have to grocery shop, clean the house, do laundry? Why do we "keep living" life? It seems so wrong.
However, in the midst of this, a prayer has been on my mind.
Brad and I began a journal for Miles during our pregnancy and in it, I wrote this prayer for Miles. It is not mine but one given to Henri Nouwen by his mentor.
May all your expectations be frustrated.
May all your plans be thwarted.
May all your desires be withered into nothingness.
That you may experience the powerlessness and the poverty of a child and sing and dance in the love of God the Father, the Son and the Spirit.
It seems harsh, I know. I don't want hard and terrible things for Miles. But as a mother, I so desire for him to sing and dance in the love of God the Father. And, I am learning that only through our experiences do we learn hurt and the redemption that comes from it. In all of this great hurt, I know I am being shaped...being made more like Christ. I am being sanctified each and every day. It is painful and I can't say that I even want it. But here I am. My expectations are frustrated. My plans are thwarted. My desires are withered into nothingness. I am experiencing powerlessness and poverty. I want to sing and dance in the love of God the Father.
Friday, May 22, 2009
A quick word about West Virginia . . .
First let me apologize to Kelli V, Steve G, Amy P and anyone else I may unwittingly offend.
Dear West Virginia,
Do you know that the rest of the world is laughing at the mullet? Yet you continue to wear it proudly, sometimes even pulling it back in a pony tail before climbing into your pickup trimmed out with Mossy Oak instead of chrome.
Perhaps it's the perfect compliment to a chewing tobacco aisle that's THE SAME SIZE as the candy aisle in the gas station. Maybe it's an act of rebellion because Virginia isn't known as "East Virginia" yet you are forced to suffer a prefix.
At one time, did the sleeveless T-shirt look good on men? Perhaps before sleeves were invented?
And why does it take so stinking long to drive through your state? What are we paying you for with all the tolls? The roads are terrible, and for some reason time slows to a crawl while I'm driving on them.
And why does it smell like an '85 Buick that's been sitting in the sun for too long? (OK, in fairness this odor was attributed to a person in our car, but we laughed pretty hard when applied it to WVA)
Please, please, I know times are hard. I know I'm a judgmental person. But I just don't understand. I welcome any help.
Sincerely,
Normal
Dear West Virginia,
Do you know that the rest of the world is laughing at the mullet? Yet you continue to wear it proudly, sometimes even pulling it back in a pony tail before climbing into your pickup trimmed out with Mossy Oak instead of chrome.
Perhaps it's the perfect compliment to a chewing tobacco aisle that's THE SAME SIZE as the candy aisle in the gas station. Maybe it's an act of rebellion because Virginia isn't known as "East Virginia" yet you are forced to suffer a prefix.
At one time, did the sleeveless T-shirt look good on men? Perhaps before sleeves were invented?
And why does it take so stinking long to drive through your state? What are we paying you for with all the tolls? The roads are terrible, and for some reason time slows to a crawl while I'm driving on them.
And why does it smell like an '85 Buick that's been sitting in the sun for too long? (OK, in fairness this odor was attributed to a person in our car, but we laughed pretty hard when applied it to WVA)
Please, please, I know times are hard. I know I'm a judgmental person. But I just don't understand. I welcome any help.
Sincerely,
Normal
Dreaming of BoJangles
Life is hard right now. When you think it can't get any worse, of course it does.
God forces you to cross the Mason-Dixon line.
Into a place without biscuits or sweet tea, where Pontiacs and pot-holes abound and smoking is smiled upon in such a way that R.J. Reynolds could only dream of. The closest restaurant is a place called "EatnPark" and appears to be a bad imitation of Shoney's. Leigh and I have been here for not even a few hours and already I can't wait to be back home.
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to be here, in spite of the circumstances. It's been 10 years, and seeing family is great, seeing my Dad's old neighborhood is educational (I learned tonight that he carried a pistol at one point when he was 18 because of "street action") and Leigh and I are great road trip companions. But I am a stranger in a strange land. It's hard for me to feel at peace here--even time I spent out west or in New York doesn't compare to how uncomfortable this place makes me. My home is in the South, and I hope it always will be.
On a related note (I'll get there, don't worry) some folks keep asking how they can pray. My most common answer recently is that God would increase our faith. Please don't stop with that one, we still need it badly. For those of you hurling up the unsolicited prayers that we would have rest, or experience God's love, or have healing, thank you. I feel like we got a little bit of that today. It wasn't an easy day, but we've laughed a lot at a culture so foreign yet similar to what we're familiar with. Leigh and I love being together in these situations.
And we're increasingly grateful we don't live in the North.
God forces you to cross the Mason-Dixon line.
Into a place without biscuits or sweet tea, where Pontiacs and pot-holes abound and smoking is smiled upon in such a way that R.J. Reynolds could only dream of. The closest restaurant is a place called "EatnPark" and appears to be a bad imitation of Shoney's. Leigh and I have been here for not even a few hours and already I can't wait to be back home.
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to be here, in spite of the circumstances. It's been 10 years, and seeing family is great, seeing my Dad's old neighborhood is educational (I learned tonight that he carried a pistol at one point when he was 18 because of "street action") and Leigh and I are great road trip companions. But I am a stranger in a strange land. It's hard for me to feel at peace here--even time I spent out west or in New York doesn't compare to how uncomfortable this place makes me. My home is in the South, and I hope it always will be.
On a related note (I'll get there, don't worry) some folks keep asking how they can pray. My most common answer recently is that God would increase our faith. Please don't stop with that one, we still need it badly. For those of you hurling up the unsolicited prayers that we would have rest, or experience God's love, or have healing, thank you. I feel like we got a little bit of that today. It wasn't an easy day, but we've laughed a lot at a culture so foreign yet similar to what we're familiar with. Leigh and I love being together in these situations.
And we're increasingly grateful we don't live in the North.
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