Wednesday, July 8, 2009

six weeks later

Has it really been six weeks. Some days it feels like yesterday we were spending our days at the icu. Some days it feels like forever ago. The crazy thing is that I feel as though a large chunk of our year is just, well... gone. There have been so many conversations lately that start with, "at the hospital", or "when Mom was sick", or even "before the aneurysm". I am discovering that Mom's three months of fighting have really begun to define who I am now, what I have learned, and where I am turning my focus to.

What have the past 6 weeks looked like?
1. Saying goodbye to my closest mother.
2. Multiple trips to Kernersville.
3. Tears at the simplest of memories.
4. Great conversations with Chuck....and lots of tears.
5. Pictures turning up from the night before the aneurysm.
6. Dancing around in Mom's wig after it was discovered tucked away in a drawer.
7. Realization of life going on.
8. Miles crawling, stepping, getting teeth, knowing Mom would have loved each event!
9. Enjoying more conversations with Mommom over the phone...and in person:)
10. A new closeness with my brothers.
11. Listening to stories from others about Mom
12. watching flowers sent to us slowly turn brown as days "go on"
13. a lot of alone time
14. finally feeling ok to see friends again
15. learning how to gracefully say thank you when people say "sorry for your loss"
16. knowing and remembering to never take moments for granted.


  1. so many times a day ill stop and say "i need to call mom". My heart then sinks for a sec untill i imagine her and her sweet smile and then i smile.
    I love you.

  2. Sending love and hugs to you, Andy, Joe and John.

  3. Joe Benton ( 2, 2009 at 6:05 PM

    Even though over the last 25 years, your Mom and I were no longer close, we did share almost 10 defining years of our youth together and produced 3 amazing children. We shared many wonderful, exciting moments that are forever burned into our memories and into our hearts.

    You might find it difficult to believe that I, too, have grieved... some for myself, but mostly fo you, Joe and Andy... and also for John and Chuck for your dear loss.

    I continue to keep you in my prayers, especially as I ask Him to heal your heart.

    I love you,