First let me apologize to Kelli V, Steve G, Amy P and anyone else I may unwittingly offend.
Dear West Virginia,
Do you know that the rest of the world is laughing at the mullet? Yet you continue to wear it proudly, sometimes even pulling it back in a pony tail before climbing into your pickup trimmed out with Mossy Oak instead of chrome.
Perhaps it's the perfect compliment to a chewing tobacco aisle that's THE SAME SIZE as the candy aisle in the gas station. Maybe it's an act of rebellion because Virginia isn't known as "East Virginia" yet you are forced to suffer a prefix.
At one time, did the sleeveless T-shirt look good on men? Perhaps before sleeves were invented?
And why does it take so stinking long to drive through your state? What are we paying you for with all the tolls? The roads are terrible, and for some reason time slows to a crawl while I'm driving on them.
And why does it smell like an '85 Buick that's been sitting in the sun for too long? (OK, in fairness this odor was attributed to a person in our car, but we laughed pretty hard when applied it to WVA)
Please, please, I know times are hard. I know I'm a judgmental person. But I just don't understand. I welcome any help.