We're back home now, and today was a good day. Here's what a good day looks like.
Dave and Peggy Green being in town to encourage us. John showing up in time for lunch and being gullible enough to let me stick a dirty diaper in the back of his car. Mommom walking all the way to the car in the parking garage from the waiting room (don't think we didn't notice). Uncle Tommy driving in spur of the moment...thank you so much for that. Jeanie driving in as well, whether Chuck liked it or not. Miles, the happiest baby alive (who is taking steps when his hands are held) killed some oatmeal, apples, sweet potatoes, peas and washed it all down with a sip of Leigh's finest vintage.
And most importantly, Lynne held her own today. Nothing changed. She's still intibated. Still sedated. Still waiting.
There were no emergency procedures, no rushed phone calls, no tears on the drive home or in crappy fishtank waiting rooms. We have a lot to be thankful for, and I'm going to take it.
This evening they gave her a bath, to help cool her down (she's still running that fever) but other than that nothing medically has changed from the previous post.
On the way home tonight, Leigh and I talked some about how hard this is, and how tired we are. I don't know when I've been so tired, and I've done a lot of tiring things for days on end. Nothing comes close to this. I think one of the reasons we feel so tired is because of the guilt that you can feel. Guilt that we get to go home and sleep in our beds while Chuck and Lynne have to be apart. Guilt that we can rest while Lynne has to stay in the hospital. Guilt for being frustrated with family. Guilt for having to think about things like eating, paying bills, making money to pay bills, taking care of kids, cutting the grass, going to class, the list goes on. Guilt sucks.
And I think God may agree.
I'm no theologian. I haven't been to school for years (at least not with any real success) studying scripture. I've read a few books, I try to read the Bible and do what God asks in it. I love Christ and want to love Him more. And here's what I think is true about Him and guilt--Christ isn't interested in making us feel guilty.
Seven days out of ten my favorite verse in the Bible is John 10:10. "The thief comes to kill, steal, and destroy; I have come that you would have life and have it to the full." Now stay with me here . . .
Guilt doesn't seem to have much in common with life and fullness. It seems much closer to theft and destruction. It drives a wedge between you and the person making you feel guilty. It's a tool of power and oppression not a gift bringing life. I'm not saying that God has no ideas of right and wrong, and that He doesn't care what we do. What I'm saying is that He is more interested in conviction, something that results in a change in behavior for the better, not just making us feel bad to manipulate us. That's not my God. Conviction is life giving. Guilt is life taking.
What does any of this have to do with Lynne?
I think that God doesn't want us to feel guilty any more than Lynne would. He is offering full life, and guilt isn't going to give that to anyone. Today was a good, life giving day for us and Lynne. The doctors were encouraged. We were encouraged. I'm thankful for today.
Tomorrow we'll drive in early to meet with the doctor again in the morning. We'll post again afterwards. Thank you for all the prayers and support--it's good to know you're in it with us.